I was never really staggered by grief but the shame and the stigma when it was all over is still very much a part of me. All mind.
She was a great friend, and still is, but we had a different concept of what marriage was all about and I think thats what killed the marriage off. I was seing myself metamorphed into somebody I dont know and I m quite certain she was feeling the same way too. Our first mistake was, we built expectations. We were pulled into expectations drawn by the society, of what husband and wife should or shouldnt be. Maybe we had options but we never really weighted them. At the height of it all, all I wanted was for her to be my great friend again, and I got that.
I dont know whether Im having any depression or not, but up until now, I dont feel like going into marriage ever again, no more wading through that. Not that there were no laughs in my wedding but there were a lot of pain vs nobility, compassion vs generosity and a lot of difficult decisions on whats to be done with lives, ours and others.
Now ~ I get to be me again, all me. Good or bad, I feel great being me. Hoho..does that sound like denial..? trying to convince that everything is OK now. Maybe, I dont know. But of course I miss her.
Release date: 08 October, 2002